Mind what u said to your girlfriend..

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office…
but she belonged to someone else…

One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, “I’ll
give you a $100 if you let me have sex with you…”
but the girl said, “NO.”

Johnny said, “I’ll be fast, I’ll throw the money on the floor, you bend
down, and I’ll be finished by the time you pick it up.”

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her
boyfriend…
so she called her boyfriend and told him the story.

Her boyfriend says ask him for $200 then pick up
the money very fast…
he won’t even be able to get his pants down.

She agrees and accepts the proposal.

Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to
call. Finally after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what
happened…She said, “The bastard used quarters!”

Management Lesson: Always consider a business proposal in it’s entirety
before agreeing to it, and getting screwed

Mind what u said to your wife….

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife:

“Listen, this guy’s an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck.” If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.”

To which his wife responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!”

Why I call him son of a b*tch!

Girl: “Forgive me father for I have sinned.”

Priest: “What have you done my child?”

Girl: “I called a man a son of a bit**.”

Priest: “Why did you call him a son of a bit**?”

Girl: “Because he touched my hand.”

Priest: “Like this?” (as he touches her hand)

Girl: “Yes father.”

Priest: “That’s no reason to call a man a son of a bit**.”

Girl: “Then he touched my breast.”

Priest: “Like this?” (as he touched her breast)

Girl: “Yes father.”

Priest: “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bit**.”

Girl: “Then he took off my clothes, father.”

Priest: “Like this?” (as he takes off her clothes)

Girl: “Yes father.”

Priest: “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bit**.”

Girl: “Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where.”

Priest: “Like this?” (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)

Girl: “YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!”

Priest: (after a few minutes): “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bit**.”

Girl: “But father he had AIDS!”

Priest: “THAT SON OF A BIT**!!!”

%d bloggers like this: